Gewa & Digpa

Morality and ethical conduct can be a hard topic to bring up these days. You might want to talk about simple healthy living, but then all of a sudden it turns into talking about morality & rules. And it can be challenging to talk about morality with others without coming off as prideful or judging. It can also be challenging to let people in, to let them know: what are your values? What are your morals? What’s the way you want to live your life?

As I reflected on this, I thought about the monks and nuns, the monastics. What they do is just retreat from it all. They leave everything behind. They live simply. They shave their heads, so they don’t have to worry about the thirty different shampoos or what the difference is between a two-in-one and a three-in-one shampoo. They limit their friendships, limit their relationships. They often go live in the forest, or retreat in caves or monasteries with others who share the same rules. And they have lots and lots of precepts; 250, maybe 300.

So anytime something comes up that complicates life, they have a precept to fall back on. In a way, it’s easier, but at the same time there are so many rules. And to live that life, you end up abandoning a lot. For me, I have kids, I have a job, I have a mortgage. The chance of me abandoning everything is very, very slim. So the question comes: we’re not monks and nuns, we’re not going to be monks and nuns—at least I’m not. So how can I live in this world, in this complex, dynamic, complicated mess, and still live a simple, healthy, compassionate life?

That’s the challenge. And since this is a teaching about simplicity, I realized I need a simple solution. I can’t come here with a complex system of ten non-virtues, saying “stop doing this, this, and this” because that just complicates things further. I need a teaching my four-year-olds could get. Very simple. If I try to over-complicate it, I’m not going to find simplicity.

So that got me thinking, how can I practice without leaving it all behind? How can I live a life of simplicity and ease without selling all my possessions, boxing everything up, and abandoning the world, the news, my coworkers, my friends? That’s where I wanted to bring up two new words, two new concepts, and explore them a bit.

Instead of going through hundreds of trainings or precepts, my hope is that with these two concepts, we have enough to bring into any situation. The two words are digpa and gewa.

They’re Tibetan words. Gewa means actions of body, speech, and mind that bring relaxation, happiness, and openness—both to yourself and to those you interact with. When I asked my teacher for more words to describe it, he said expansiveness, joy, playfulness, openheartedness, relaxed without grabbing at hope or fear. That’s gewa.

Digpa is the opposite. These are actions of body, speech, and mind that bring constriction. Narrowness. Tightness. Stress. Fixation. Feeling stuck. It’s when your whole world narrows, when you’re up and down on that roller coaster of hope and fear.

Let me give you an example. I sign up for those emails that show what’s arriving in the mail. One morning I woke up, got the kids ready for school, fed everyone, sat down for work, checked my email, and saw I had a certified letter coming from “Residential Legal Services.” And immediately my whole body constricted. “That’s not good,” I thought. Probably an HOA notice. My gut tightened, my chest closed up.

It was only 8 a.m. and the mail wouldn’t come until 12:30. I had no idea what it was, whether it was even for me. But none of that mattered. My mind was already stuck. Thoughts flooded in—rumination, dread, doom. I didn’t need to doomscroll my phone, I could doomscroll my thoughts. “What violation did I commit? If it’s this, I’ll defend it this way. If they say that, I’ll respond this way.” My whole morning narrowed down into fixation.

That’s digpa. And of course, when the mail came, it was nothing. Not even worth mentioning. But I’d already blown up my whole morning.

So that’s what I mean. Digpa is a felt experience of constriction. You might feel it when you’re embarrassed, or just from seeing a news headline. Your whole body tightens, your mind closes in. It doesn’t feel good, and you can get stuck there.

The opposite is gewa. That’s when you feel safe, open, happy, playful. Relaxed—not in the sense of lying on the beach, but relaxed in the sense of not holding tightly. You could be dancing or laughing, fully alive, and still relaxed. For me, gewa often comes when I’m with my kids. Like the other day, at a pool party, my daughter floated in the water, let go, and shouted, “I’m floating!” She was delighted. That’s gewa.

So why talk about these two concepts when we’re supposed to be talking about morality and ethics? Because for me, I can reduce all of it down to this: avoid actions that cause digpa, and try to do actions that cause gewa.

If I want a simple, compassionate, healthy life, that’s enough. I don’t have to memorize hundreds of rules. Just notice: am I creating constriction, stress, harm? Or am I creating openness, kindness, ease?

It’s the same with stealing. What’s stealing really doing? It creates digpa for others, and for yourself, because now you’re anxious about being caught. Same with killing—even killing bugs or animals. It’s constriction, fear, harm. With diet, with health, it’s the same question: am I creating stress and constriction for my body, or am I supporting openness and health?

And that’s where the training on compassionate living fits in. True happiness is rooted in peace, solidity, freedom, and compassion. And that’s what gewa is—acting in ways that bring peace, stability, compassion. Less of the up-and-down rollercoaster, more stability. Not running away, not wearing masks, but living simply, with openness.

We can watch our body and our mind when we’re on the internet, when we’re using our phones, when we’re watching TV. We can ask: is this creating digpa? Am I using my phone in a way that’s causing me stress, making me fixated? Am I no longer present? Am I stuck on it, ruminating on it?

And it doesn’t always have to be something negative. It could also be neutral. Maybe I’m watching a TV show, and I just keep thinking about it afterwards. Over and over again it comes up—maybe a dating show, or a Netflix series—and I notice I’m consumed by it. I catch myself thinking, “Oh man, I can’t stop thinking about that show.”

So while we’re doing all these things, we can check in. How do I feel right now? Do I feel relaxed, at ease, happy, open, spacious? Or do I feel constricted? This becomes a kind of litmus test we can take into any situation.

I don’t need to make a list of websites I won’t visit. I don’t need to make a list of TV channels I won’t watch. Maybe, based on what I notice, I’ll naturally adjust. But it starts with this simple experiment: where am I on the scale? Am I in gewa or in digpa?

And if I notice I’m in digpa, then the next question is: what am I going to do? Am I going to make it worse? Am I going to stay stuck in it? Or am I going to pause and ask, “What does this moment need right now to cultivate the opposite?”

Remember to seek to create gewa with your body, speech and mind, and spread it as broadly as you can while refraining from digpa as much as possible – without an expectation of being perfect.